Thursday, December 29, 2016
Tuesday, December 27, 2016
chapter 11
when i was 12 , i went to a tennis tournament in cape breton with my mother's best friend .
when the adults all ''buggered off ''...her son and i drank all the booze , stripped off...and staggered around the hotel listening to elton john .
as an adult , i would '' hang out '' with sir elton on a nude beach .
my friend made a huge '' upset ''...i believe angels were involved .
...most people would not .
( just for the record...i do not personally know elton john ) .
when the adults all ''buggered off ''...her son and i drank all the booze , stripped off...and staggered around the hotel listening to elton john .
as an adult , i would '' hang out '' with sir elton on a nude beach .
my friend made a huge '' upset ''...i believe angels were involved .
...most people would not .
( just for the record...i do not personally know elton john ) .
Friday, December 23, 2016
chapter 10
one hint concerning tennis...do not swim before you play...and , certainly...do not drown .
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
chapter 9
...my first game of tennis was in 1973...it was against my next door neighbour from early childhood...who would go on to both date and get sucked off by my first girlfriend .
...the tide seemed high that summer...the seagulls screamed like cattle being humped by drunken dinosaurs .
...i served the fucking ball .
...the tide seemed high that summer...the seagulls screamed like cattle being humped by drunken dinosaurs .
...i served the fucking ball .
Monday, December 19, 2016
chapter 8
my mother played this lady once on an island outside chester nova scotia...she fucked her up pretty bad...it was an inspiration .
...i grabbed the corpse when nobody was looking...and proceeded to eat the brains .
...i grabbed the corpse when nobody was looking...and proceeded to eat the brains .
Saturday, December 17, 2016
chapter 7
i was 10 or 11 when i swang a tennis raquet for the first time...the boy ''swaning'' next to me would go on to greatness in both the tennis world and the world of masturbation .
...i would not have beaten him if i had known...instead i would have ran away .
...i would not have beaten him if i had known...instead i would have ran away .
Thursday, December 15, 2016
Monday, December 12, 2016
chapter 3
the first thing you have to learn about tennis is that it is like a bad relationship...that is to say that , your primary objective is to control every aspect of the situation .
chapter 2
back in the '' old days ''...all the tennis raquets were made of wood...beavers actually stole them off the court and took them home and worshipped them...they would quite often sing...''it is well with my soul '' while dancing to the tennis / beaver god .
...i have pictures of this sacred ritual...right before i shot the fuckers dead .
...i have pictures of this sacred ritual...right before i shot the fuckers dead .
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
chapter 1
at age seven i took a tennis raquet and shoved it up my friends ass-hole...his parents took him to the hospital...he discovered three new species on the way...i claimed the right to name them .
...i was a prick .
...i was a prick .
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