chapter 12

the ball should go forward once hit...if it does not , consult a physician .

chapter 11

when i was 12 , i went to a tennis tournament in cape breton with my mother's best friend .

when the adults all ''buggered off ''...her son and i drank all the booze , stripped off...and staggered around the hotel listening to elton john .

as an adult , i would '' hang out '' with sir elton on a nude beach .

my friend made a huge '' upset ''...i believe angels were involved .

...most people would not .



( just for the record...i do not personally know elton john ) .

chapter 10

one hint concerning tennis...do not swim before you play...and , certainly...do not drown .

chapter 9

...my first game of tennis was in 1973...it was against my next door neighbour from early childhood...who would go on to both date and get sucked off by my first girlfriend .

...the tide seemed high that summer...the seagulls screamed like cattle being humped by drunken dinosaurs .

...i served the fucking ball .

chapter 8

my mother played this lady once on an island outside chester nova scotia...she fucked her up pretty bad...it was an inspiration .

...i grabbed the corpse when nobody was looking...and proceeded to eat the brains .

chapter 7

i was 10 or 11 when i swang a tennis raquet for the first time...the boy ''swaning'' next to me would go on to greatness in both the tennis world and the world of masturbation .

...i would not have beaten him if i had known...instead i would have ran away .

chapter 6

naked tennis...where do you keep your balls ???